Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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