You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
