Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My vagina just clenched in fear
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
