Apparently you make a good broom.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
