$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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