it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
