I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
