Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
