i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
