I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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