we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
