i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
