pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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