You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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