I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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