so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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