i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
