I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
