remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
