Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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