someone threw a dead crab at me
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Such a big mess for such a small penis
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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