I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
