he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i dont even know how to be here
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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