He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
