Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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