Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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