From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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