My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
