I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize