I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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