She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
