What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
They have beer where we have blood.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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