You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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