Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
