I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
