I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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