this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
i think my cat just said my name.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
