I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
