I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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