i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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