i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
