I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
