it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
