shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
