you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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