i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
