I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
