oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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