you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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