why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
