You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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