Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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