he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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