Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize