Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
