He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
