It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
