Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
