Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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