your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
