I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
