I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
