We're like a lot better than the average bears
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize