My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
