either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
