So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
