Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
