its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize