she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
