yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize