They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize