Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
