so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
