Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
